Age is catching up… and many dreams, goals are somehow in the process or too far to be achieved. Regardless of how many times i told myself I can do it and nothing is impossible… Something in my head are just telling me to face it, take it and accept it. Sloth played a major role in all these unhappy endings.
Getting into the 30s, other people tend to have this mindset on you that you are suppose to be settled down, get a girlfriend, get married, have kids and life is completed/ full circle for ya. Being the 30s, the way you think is suppose to be more matured, you know what you want in life…. or so they say. But as for me… I do sometimes freaked myself out thinking of settling down, having a family of my own. All the committments… really is scaring the toppings out of my pizza.
I was brought up in quiet and solemn family, many things are learned n discovered by oursleves. My parents didn’t go thru the birds and the bees nor tell you to follow this tunnel to the end, you will see light on the other side. Most of the things are learned thru trial and error. Countless obstacles, endless dead ends….
Especially when my brothers are 8 and10 years older than me. They have their world of their own, they shared more intimate secrets between themselves more than me…cos I was too young then… I wouldn’t have understand anyway even if they do. My brothers are only there to criticise if I have done something wrong but they will not stop me.
Luckily… to this date… I haven’t had any rotten eggs thrown at me yet… so I gladly admit I am as saint as my best doings. I have happily rejoiced and presented myself as someone with a “non drama” attitude. But all it takes is a little obstacle in life to make a whole soap opera in my head. Tho I play it cool most of the time. Many times i questioned myself… ” Are you the same bloke that is happy go lucky? Practice as much as he preaches?”, ” Am I even me?”.
Conclusion : I am not myself anymore. I am not the same me 3 years ago. But that doesn’t mean I am not happy about it. Nor I am jumping in joy.
Many simple things that use to bring me joy and laughter doesn’t work anymore. Things that made me sad doesn’t make me tear anymore. Energy that I use to have… had seep thru my body unknowingly. Have I become selfish? Self centred? Lazy? confused? I guess I just need to just start learning about myself all over again…. who knows maybe then I may not find any logic to my sentences or conclusions.
Til then…. signing out as a EMO papa… Enjoy ur weekend everyone~
