Ladies and gentleman, prsenting my newest additional to the instrument family.
BONGOs BABY!!!
“I don’t wana work today!!” ” I just wana bang on my drums all day” Lalalalalalala!!
Cant wait til the next time we jam. May consider to get the box drum too. Jamming baby~
Where else would I rather be…. Things are jus perfect. People are jus perfect. Sky is bluer than blue.
What can i ask for.
Did I mention that there are flowers too….
Open up to another perspective of life… living in a world of nothing there to love and much things to hate. I use to love to hate, it satisfiy my ego, my conscience. Sometimes i would like to leave u in the darkest moment and let you just kill urself. So our lives would be more peaceful. Damn!! In fact writing this right now… i’m fighting against anger from creeping into my head. Although I would pretty much like myself to swim in all these angst, I know i would regret, which eventually did.
I do feel remorseful and ashame of myself for letting that thought conquer me. Circumstances are not ideal but since when can we control everything? Instead… the most bitter of the bitter we overcome, the more humane of the human we become. Wonder anyone would understand what I mean.
Being positive is not always my forte, but i am neither dwelling in negativeness… I am just surprised and feeling utterly disgraced about myself for having that thought. There are times when I can’t see the “bigger” picture. There are times when i don’t know what is gratitude. There are times when I don’t appreciate. There are times when I just hate you for no reasons. Why? Cos it makes me feel neutral. Cos it makes me feel we are equal. Cos i feel what i wanna feel. Cos i am selfish.
One day, after a quiet time in my room where my heart is talking to my head…and my head talking to my heart…
I realise that all the answers and feelings are right there but somehow I jus couldn’t execute it. Can’t explain anything… then slowly dwell to remorse. But i know the next time.. it will be the same again. Life is a huge bloody jagged circle.
For those who havent been there… There is a in house ferris wheel. Quite a number of big names in the shoppin centre. Cinema is not crowded. But limited shows.
Incredible pasir ris have changed so much.
After two months of riding…she is cryin out for a shower… today.. i put my heart n soul in cleaning you up.
Sas say can see clouds in the reflection. Which although he is making fun of me in a way.. but it feels good. \m/
She deserve another shot.
I am happy that it shines….
Today is exactly one year my mum has stopped working. Nothing much had changed. Her eyes are still half blind. One side only see shadows while the other eye has 1200 degree myopia.
Soon after her operation, her brain starts to fall into a state of amnesia. Her memory stops at the period 10yrs ago. She can only remember things happeded 10 yrs ago. Whatever things that are happening now or had happened she will only hold it in her head for less den 5mins. But sometimes, i can’t say that because whatever good things that is happening now…she will forget an hour later. Whatever bad things athat happened… she will remember it for at least a week.
So we brought her to see a head/ heart doctor…, spend a hefty amount… Doc say she has depression plus a slight dementia. A slight dementia??? OMG!! a slightly over the limit of too much is the exact words. Gave her mediciene, but doesnt seem to work. Brought her to doc many times… docs says her condition is an obstacle in her heart which she needs to overcome herself or at least a shrink which might take about few years of therapy. What the fuck! Where am i gonna find such money? A session cost $250, once a week, which is to mean a thousand a month. This is excluding the medication she gonna need. So my dad decided that he will be able to take care of mum. We have no choice but to take it. From that day onwards… i know my life will never gonna be the same again.
She still thinks that whatever this house needs to buy, she has to pay for the cost. She keeps worrying that there are no more bread, eggs, salt, sugar, meat…(the list goes on) in the house. If I never work, we will starve. She can put her little purse in her bigger handbag and went to grab an umbrella to fit into her handbag, she will go around looking for her little purse again. She will totally forget she was holding on to one just now. Holding an umbrella in her hands… she will look for her purse, when tired of holding the umbrella, she put down randomly to look for her purse, she again will forget where she puts her umbrella. Its like going in circles. When she can’t find anything, she will accuse us of stealing her stuff. Her words over the months has become bad to worse. Its simply hurting.. Saying in a irritated tone ” All my life, i have cared for you family, now what i get in return? Steal my money, scoldings, accuse me that, accusing me this. You guys are so heartless. I let u guys eat the best, when I eat only bread with butter and drink water and all of these are brought from home.”
Words that are I hear everyday.
1) Whats the use of living if I cant work
2) Without me working, we gonna pay for PUB bills , telephone bills,
3) Without me working, how to buy meat, fish, rice, sugar blah blah blah.
4) I want to go there find work, even if they dont wanna hire me. I will go and look for a job
5)…who say nobody will hire me?? I have been workin for the past few week.
Of cos all these words are not true….
to be cont’d
Its from Macs. A slightly different design. And it taste heavenly. Feel like u would wana Ooochh Ooocchh…
Received a sms from a buddy (Ms Aprillia Scooter) :
I’m not dwellin on all the things i cannot control. If I start to think abt the things happening around me, think i ‘ll go mad in a split second. Hanging onto my sanity by smiling. Much going on at work too. Me and him trying to work things out……. I just wana do things right and be happy….
I replied : i know one thing for sure.. Loving someone is letting them go another more suitable. Accepting that oneself may not be the right one for the other, when things didnt work out the many times before. I really don’t wish to see my good friends keep stepping into the same hole they fell into so many times.
it just breaks my heart to know it is pain and more pain we will be receiving when we knock on the same damn door. Maybe its my logical side of my speaking, not in touch with my emotional side….God knows wat i’ll be if i were to be in a relationship again.
As wat D says, man’s mechanic inside works differently.
Told him ” I just don’t understand for now… .how one person can be so emotionally dependant and attached to another? ” Right now… love to me means more of responsibilities rather love itself. Hopefully my views will change.
hopefully….i am able to accept the non existence concept of being in love.
