Its been a year since my mum has not been working. Many of my friends has asked me numerous time of how is my mum…I don’t blame them. Its take a toll to show that they care. But please understand sometimes…. my heart just falls into a big pot of mixed array of feelings when you asked. And I really hate that kinda negative feelings. The overwhelming feelings of helplessness, sadness, anger, numbness, hate and love just brings me down instanteously. I know you meant well…i don’t mind talking about it but I really don’t wish to spread my negative vibes to people around me… I know you wouldnt mind but its really shitty to just think about it.
Sas n Dazza would just listen quietly when i complain…and that..is all i need. A listening ear. And forgetting about it the next moment. Cause unless you can come up with solution that will somehow miraculously fix her brain then i would be deeply greatful.
I really appreciate your kind thoughts and concerns… thanks all.
When I have things to complain i will write it down. “Don’t bottle up your feelings” I won’t. About my mum, its has come to a stage where even my dad who has tolerated her nonsense, had resign to just let her be and just feed her when she is hungry only… its has become a responsibility rather than love. Its sad sometimes…but I totally understand why.
Sometimes…i wonder if i am able to learn from all these…haven’t found a clue yet. Nothing that i can change except my views and thoughts. But somehow… the darker side just takes over…
*** later…
