Good Luck Me

 I had to blog about this. 

I went to watch this movie ” Good Luck Chuck” recently. I didn't think much about it.
It was last nite when I hang out with my buddy for a few beers and we talk baout stuff and I asked him if he had watched this show. 

Suddenly things just fell into place. I realised that all my exs are married. Yes, I am quite…(not that young).
From the very first gf back in sec sch…she was married to the guy after me. Followed by the 2nd and the 3rd one. All the same senarios.Thought it was just a concidence. But… my 4th and 5th one who is getting married…ALSO THE SAME!!! Damn!!! 6th one is yet to confirm. We didnt keep in contact. They all got married to the next guy after me!!!
There is some kinda curse surrounding me or what? I am troubled. Shit!!…Fuck!!

I am not looking for attention nor free fucks and I definitely do NOT want to be like Chuck. Except for Jessica Alba part tho. 

If there is a person who is cursing me…. ” STOP!!!”

Time

Its the time of the season when you will receive gifts, invitations to some sort of gatherings and not forgeting alotsa forwarded sms-es from people whom you had not heard from the past 11months plus, e.g our exs, army friends, sch mates, ex-crushes and…strangers with mobile numbers you did't store in your handphone memory and our telcom companies sometimes do get too much sms going on at one time. Well, at least they remembered you. 

Myself, got an sms from an ex crush….a serious crush. Back in….hmm.. 1998-1999? We met in one of the clubs at central mall. I was with 2 of my ”party” friends. So I did my usual ”buaya” stunt, trying to get lucky, but i got not enough balls that time to ask for a number. Her name was “E”. Soon after the party had ended, I slapped myself crazy for not asking for number. I hanged around the exit… hoping to see her. Thank GOD!! I saw her and told myself, ” If you don't do it…your a fucking Wussy!!” I ran stopped her in her tracks with 2 of her friends, asked…” Can we keep in touch?”

So blah blah blah, we didnt actually got together but we did stuff couples do. It was like a roller coaster ride of high and very low. 

Thing is I got a forwarded sms from “E”, we exchanged a few sms and i thought I was able to keep in touch with like I always wanted for so long but things wasn't in ideal situations back then. ”E” told me…” Yes! I am married…”
My hopes just fell from the heaven's hammock into a deep dark pit with only snakes n shit.
Just when I wanted to ask you out and try starting over again…Its like running towards your lover in slow motion, like the movies but you get shot by an jagged spear thru your heart and blood is gushing out thru all you opening.

“E” knew the gfs i had, i knew all the bfs she had. Not officially but we told each other. We met up once in a blue moon then even we are attached. Tho we didnt do anything physically during then. There is this unspeakable tension between us. We never brought it up, jus enjoy each other company.

Anyway, this page is for you, “E”. Tho we were never together, it kinda hurts to know our journey ends here. I should have done something, anything. 

All the best!!! Happiness to you always.

Dont look back in anger…

Here am I loggin into some crappy cyber cafe charging at $1/hr… its cheap but i swear i can throw this keyboard onto the screen.. this “enter” button had to be literally pounded on before it registers.
Anyway, Mr Photographer suggested to me yesterday that i should wake up early and go to a coffeeshop, order half bolied eggs and coffee and read some newspaper. He also mentioned that the feeling is superb. As quoted, I did manage to wake up early but I just couldnt drag myself out of my house. 
But this feeling of doing nothg on a thursday after is great! I tell ya!!

Anywayz…one of my frd jus tagged a pic from my past in my facebook. It brought back some unwanted memories.
Am not angry anymore. Just wonder how good it would have been if things were different.
From Left, Sensible good frd of small girl, small girl, me and small girl's Godma

This photo was taken was long ago. It was at some dinner function. In fact I couldnt remember exactly where. Well, we have moved on. Everyone has..and will be moving on. I am not perfect. Memories…memories…its evil i tell ya.